I am quite stubborn it seems and the Lord has soooo much to teach me… but maybe I am learning a little (or at least I am THIS time).
This summer, for the first time in five years, I made a conscience decision to be unsubmissive to a decision that my dh had made (NOTE: I am not saying that I am always submissive like I should be but I normally TRY to be… it is hard to explain, but I don’t normally knowingly defy what my dh says). Anyway, at that time, I made a HUGE mess of an already bad situation. At that time, I found out that what the Lord had laid on my heart was His will, but it was NOT His timing. Had I been patient and trusted in the Lord AND in Chad, then everything would have worked out they way they did, but without the mess (that I am still praying about and trusting the Lord in).
Anyway, that was a lesson learned the hard way! As I have expressed recently, I did not want to have a c-section tomorrow (today depending on what time zone you are in – lol). I have been desperately crying out to the Lord in regards to the situation. I finally accepted the fact that I would be having a c-section on Friday, August 31 even though it wasn’t my desire… I had to trust in the Lord and in the dh that He blessed me with.
Today, Chad and I went to my OB appointment. We made all of the final arrangements for the section (prescriptions, anesthesia, etc) and then I asked my doctor about future sections and the possibility of waiting one more week and trying for a VBAC (and this was with Chad’s full blessing). First let me say that my doctor is very anti-VBAC and that before I went back to him I could not find a doctor that was supportive of a VBAC for me (and I even talked to a doctor in another state). Anyway, after discussing the issue with my doctor for a few minutes, he said that we could wait another week to see if I went into labor and try for a VBAC!!!! I thought I would fall off the table (LOL!!!).
This was a HUGE miracle! My doctor offered to strip my membranes to jumpstart labor but I requested that we wait until Tuesday to give my body a chance to go into labor on it’s own… and then MAYBE we could do that (and he agreed). If I don’t go into labor before next Friday, then I will have a c-section scheduled for Friday, September 7.
I can honestly say that I didn’t have a peace about a c-section tomorrow but I have a peace with whatever happens in the next week, even if it is a c-section next Friday.
Also, here is ONE MORE really cool thing… Even if I don’t get that VBAC that is my heart’s desire, God is SO GOOD that my c-section will be on my birthday and what better gift can a mother receive than a precious new baby?
For the first time in months, I feel so light and happy! I have a TRUE peace that is only from the Lord. It took me surrendering all to Him and in the "11th hour" He came in and answered my prayer with a "Yes" (I cried out and prayed to the Lord all morning before my appointment that I didn’t want a c-section tomorrow). So, maybe I am S…L…O…W…L…Y… learning to completely trust in Him just as I know I should.
I will be sure to update if I go into labor (and if I am in full-blown labor and can’t type, then Chad will update his blog… and maybe mine if I think to ask him – LOL).
Thank you all so much for your prayers and I ask that you keep praying for me and that the Lord allows this new baby to born safe and healthy and that I don’t have any problems or complications with the delivery.