“But I am like a green olive tree in the house of the God. I trust in the mercy of God forever and ever. I will praise thee forever, because thou hast done it: and I will wait on they name, for it is good before thy saints.” Psalms 52:8-9
The Word of the Lord is so powerful! It not only teaches us but it strengthens us and encourages us.
Many of you know the struggle that I have had with my desire for a VBAC. About 2 months ago, my dh and I traveled to another state, about 2 hours away, in the hopes of finding an OB who would allow me to VBAC. This was an OB that was very VBAC friendly and he told me that he couldn’t VBAC me because of my 2 previous c-sections and the fact that I had had a J-incision. I was quite disappointed (okay, I was totally crushed at the moment), but I put my faith and trust in the Lord that His will was best.
This week, I met with another doctor, that was only about an hour away, who is very encouraging of VBAC’s. I didn’t really get my hopes up much, but I did have some hope that I could get the VBAC that I desired. My meeting with the OB lasted less than 10 minutes (after waiting over an hour to see him!) and I was once again told “No”.
I didn’t even cry this time when the doctor delivered this news. However, when I got to my car, I couldn’t hold back the tears and I cried out to the Lord for comfort. I grabbed my Bible and He led me to the verse above.
I love the Lord! It doesn’t matter if I don’t understand WHY I am told that I cannot VBAC, it only matters that I trust in the Lord and that I follow Him where He leads me. Do I still desire a VBAC? Yes, I do, but I have such an awesome peace that the Lord has me right where He wants me. I have committed my life to Him and I trust Him to use me in the way that will bring the most glory and honor to His name.
This is not always easy, because my of my fleshly desires, but I have a peace that only comes from trusting in Him. Why should I try to control something that I only have a limited view of when I can trust it to the very One who created me and who has an unlimited view of my life?
Even though it seems that I am not going to have desire of my heart, I am praising Him for I know that His will is good and perfect! I also praise for the many blessings that I take for granted: the healthy children that he has already blessed me with, fertility, and the blessing of another precious child in my womb.
We all go through trials and disappointments but we must never lose our ability to praise Him through EVERYTHING, especially the things that we don’t understand or desire. It is through these things that we will grow in our faith and bring Him the most glory.