Okay, the last couple of weeks we have worked on setting goals and establishing time to spend alone with God.
Today, what I am going to address, as a keeper of the home, is doing the job that the Lord created us for…. Being a helper to our husbands.
“Then the Lord God said, ‘It is not suitable for the man to be alone; I will make a helper suitable for him’” Genesis 2:18
Women were CREATED for their husband. We are called to be a helper to our man. This was God’s plan for us from the beginning.
The question is now, “So what do I need to do to be a helper to my husband?”.
That is a tricky question because my husband may need me to be a helper in a totally different way than your husband needs you to be his helper. The best way to answer that question is simple: Ask you husband.
Let me warn you, if you husband is not accustomed to you being a helper, this question may take him off guard. In fact, he may even be suspicious. I would suggest that before you give your husband a heart attack (lol), that you sit down with him and express to him that you want to be the wife to him that the Lord created you to be. You may even need to repent of wrong behavior from the past (manipulation, trying to be the leader instead of the helper, belittling him, being disrespectful toward him, etc.). Once you repent and ask for his forgiveness, he will be more likely to see that you really want to honor the Lord (and him) in your role as his wife.
Besides doing the things that your husband asks you to do, there are other things that the Bible clearly commands us to do. I wish I could really delve into these but I will have to save that for another day :0). I am going to list a few but please feel free to ask questions or add to this list in the comments section:
1. Don’t be a nag (the Bible refers to this as being a “constant dripping’.
LOL – as I write this, I pause to complain to my husband about something…. Okay, that’s not good, huh? I really do try to optimistic and upbeat, to be meek and quiet but I fail miserably at this sometimes. It is okay to share your heart with your husband but when you just nag and nag and nag, that is not sharing your heart – that is being a constant dripping. Once you share your heart on an issue, if you husband chooses to do something different, then it is not your job to nag him. You are to be his helper and you are to support him. If it turns out that you were right and he was wrong, he doesn’t need you to point that out to him. You just need to continue to love and support him as you have been called to do. You are not in competition with your husband, instead, you are to be his biggest cheerleader.
2. Be a submissive wife and don’t interfere with his role as the leader.
This one is another one that is hard for me sometimes. I think that it is an area that so many woman struggle with. What makes it so hard is that we (as wives) feel like we have a better handle on every situation when we are in control of it.
The problem with this thinking is that (1) God didn’t create the woman to be the protector or “Mrs. Fix It” and (2) since God created men to lead, then we are taking on stress and burdens that weren’t meant to be ours.
Ladies, I am going to be super honest with you on this one because it is something has taken me a long time to learn (and yes, I am still learning). Life is so much sweeter (for both the husband and the wife) when you submit to the authority that the Lord has placed over you. It is a fact that men and women are different, we act different, we think different, we look different and we were created equal but for different roles. Your husbands’ role is to lead his family. He will have to answer to the Lord for the way that he led his family. You will have to answer to the Lord for how you were a helper to your husband.
The husband has a much greater burden to bear than the wife does – but God created the husband to be more ABLE to bear this burden. I cannot fully express how ‘free’ I felt when I started submitting to my husband’s authority. My submission also gave my husband a feeling of freedom too – his freedom was that I would be supportive of his decisions and that I would be trusting in him to lead. It is amazing the changes in both the husband and the wife when the wife chooses to submit to her husband.
Now, I am sure some of you are thinking that you are only leading because your husband won’t lead – but maybe he’s not leading because you have just taken over and he hasn’t had a chance. If this is the case, then you need to go to him and talk to him about this. Yes, you need to repent and ask for forgiveness. I am guilty of wanting to lead sometimes and I will ask Chad (and the Lord) to forgive me and then I just pray that the Lord would help me to continue to be faithful in my role as a wife.
3. Honor your husband with your speech.
We are either building our husbands up with what we say or we are tearing them down. If you want your husband to be a good leader, then you need to believe that he is and you need to tell him and others. Don’t miss an opportunity to praise him in public but never stoop to talking about any of his shortcoming before others. Everyone of has faults (both the wives and husbands) and as wives, if there is an area that our husband is struggling with, we need to encourage him in that area and be a helper to him in that area if he asks. There is a very common saying that I’m sure you have heard: “Behind every good man is a great woman.” I think that this has more to do with how a woman speaks of her husband than how great the woman is (but what husband wouldn’t think his wife great if she truly believes in his greatness?).
4. Show respect to your husband.
This sounds easy enough but it actually is a result of the three points above. If we are respectful of our husband, then we don’t nag, we are submissive and supportive and we speak with kindness about them. Not so simple after all, huh? We also must realize that our actions (not just our words) show respect. Are we being a helper with a huge chip on our shoulder or are we serving our husband just as we would serve Jesus?
5. Love your husband physically
We also need to love our husband – not just with our hearts but also with our body. Scripture tells us that husband and wife were created for each other and encourages the physical act of love between a husband and a wife. I know that men’s hormones are often… stronger than the wife’s but I cannot emphasize how this will speak volumes to your husband of your love for him. Even if you really aren’t in the ‘mood’, you can still take pleasure knowing that your husband is having his needs met by you. This (as all of the above) is something else that I have struggled with previously. One thing that has made such an impact in this area is that when I took the focus off my needs being met and placed my desire on seeing the needs of my husband being met, well, things changed dramatically in the bedroom and it became not just a ‘wifely duty’ but a shared blessing between husband AND wife.
6. Love your husband above all
The last point that I want to touch on today (although there are many more) is simply love. You should love your husband above everyone else (except the Lord – the Lord should be your very first love). Sometimes, our love will call for sacrifices, but you will quickly see that they are actually blessings.
Tell your husband that you love him and show him that you love him. What are some ways that you can show him? This also will vary from husband to husband but here are a few ideas: a hot dinner, nightly back rub, starched shirts, planning family trips, wearing things he likes to see you, sending treats to the office…. A really good book that I read about showing love to your spouse was The Five Love Languages by Gary Chapman. This book may give you some ideas on how to best express love to your husband.
There is so much more that I could write regarding our roles as a wife but then this would end up as a book and not just a blog entry. I truly hope that this message as been an encouragement to those of you who are working everyday to be the wife that God created you to be. Please know that this is not an area that I feel as if I have “arrived”. I still struggle with many of these issues but it is also an area where I can see incredible changes that the Lord has made in my life and in my marriage. I only seek to take my weaknesses and give the glory to the Lord for all that He has done.
Art print by Norman Rockwell can be found on [url=allposters.com]All Posters[/url]